woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
