Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
