I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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