There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
