our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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