This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
