Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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