Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
