I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
