Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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