im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
