so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
