I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
