Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
