Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize