Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i out mim tonsoeep
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize