Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize