Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
