I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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