I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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