Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
