Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
