I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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