I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
