He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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