p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
