I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and she was petting her beer can
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
