I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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Do I have a choice?
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Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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