Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
