I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
