mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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