so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize