Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
