is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
