Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
not ubering you a puppy
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
