So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
