Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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