The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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