We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
