on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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