now i know why i became what i already was.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize