I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
