they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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