For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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