I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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