I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
