I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
