I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
