she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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