So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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