Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
