I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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