Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
