Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
stop calling my apartment porn island.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
