I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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