May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
