god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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