I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
