and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish my penis had a tongue
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
