WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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