She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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