can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
