i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
