I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
