Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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