I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
