Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
