didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
