dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
