everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
