You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
