Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
