If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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