did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
