dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
