so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
