I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
