At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
