yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize