did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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