ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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