Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
