I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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