I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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