Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
