You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
