I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
